Coffee & Regrets
by PeachGlitch
Summary: After returning to earth Kathryn Janeway finds an unexpected guest in her hotel room. [Post Endgame J/C]
1. Chapter 1

When she wakes up it's suddenly and with a sharpness that feels familiar. Her head pounds and she instantly regrets over indulging on the free champagne the night before, but at the time it was all she could do to get through the event.

Sighing loudly into the empty hotel room, Kathryn contemplates getting up. She knows she has important meetings to attend today but right now all she wants to do is burrow into the heavy blankets and hide from the world.

It all still feels like a dream; or a nightmare depending how you looked at it.

Returning everyone home had been an obsession for years aboard Voyager. And now she'd finally accomplished it, it felt underwhelming. She knew she was alone in this way of thinking. Everyone else were overjoyed at being back on earth and reunited with loved truth was her crew was her family and now everyone was scattering. Kathryn new it was irrational but she couldn't help but feel abandoned.

By _one_ person more than others.

She berates herself for even thinking about him. It was selfish and it wasn't all his fault; she'd dangled the prospect of something more for years and never acted upon her feelings.

At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Pursing a relationship as a Captain was out of the question. It went again all of her professional ethics. She knew being a female authority figure would be hard enough and she wouldn't jeopardise her reputation by giving into desires. But now the person in question had moved on she feels bitter and regretful.

Kathryn's left hand lifts to her face and she slowly messages her temples. Now was not the time to dwell on things that couldn't be changed. If she carries on with those kind of thoughts she'd never leave this bed and being the current 'celebrity' she now was, it was out of the question anyway. She'd only been back for just over a week and the new found fame that came with being who she was still seemed more alien to her than any life form in the Delta Quadrat.

Kathryn told herself she'd spend five more minutes avoiding reality, then she would get up and face the day.

Her plan as always was short lived.

About twenty seconds later her heightened senses as a Star Fleet Captain seemed to kick and she smelt something that if she was alone, she shouldn't be smelling.

Coffee, that sweet nectar of life could always be counted on to motivate her to get up, but unless she had magical powers she definatly hadn't made some out of thin air.

She knew been given an extravagantly large hotel suite had been a bad idea. At least if it was just a room she'd of been alerted of an intruder immediately. This suite had it's own separate kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and not to mention the oversized balcony that anyone could climb up.

Briefly she wonders if she'd brought anyone back from the party. The thought made her blush even though she was alone. It would be her luck that after years of celibacy she'd drunkenly have a one night stand that she didn't even remember, hardly the behaviour of a soon to be Admiral. If the press found out she didn't even want to think what her colleagues would have to say.

Throwing off the quilt that covered her body Kathryn glances down at herself. Relief flooded through her when she saw she was still wearing the same black evening gown from the party. It was almost funny how the prospect of an intruder was better than a one night stand.

Slowly so not to alert the attention of whomever was in the next room, Kathryn manoeuvres herself to sit on the side of the bed. Her black stocking clad feet brushing against the carpet as she tries to gain her bearings. The room was spinning she hadn't felt this hungover for a while.

It takes a lot of effort to push herself off the bed and silently walk over to the door less entrance of the kitchen area. She considers how she must look in her slept in, black, shoulderless dress, with no weapon to even threaten the person with. Plus in her current state they could easily overpower her if that's what they wanted to.

As she reached her destination she did for a second wonder why a stranger would be making coffee. If she hadn't been so hungover then maybe this kind of logical thinking would of kicked in sooner. But she was to late as Kathryn recognized immediately who was there even with his back turned to her.

"Chakotay?" She blurts out suddenly feeling more coherent than she did a few seconds his credit the former commander didn't seem startled by her sudden arrival. Or if did he certainly doesn't make it known to her. "Good morning, Captain," he sounded much to formal for the situation, "How's the head?" At least that part was spoken with some levity.

The use of her title rather than name wasn't a good sign. Neither of them liked it, especially when they were alone.  
"I'm fine," the lie flew from her lips instinctively. How many times had she said those words over the years? It was her safety net in order to pretend.  
From the soft chuckle that came from him it was clear Chakotay knew this by now as well. "Of course you are." He replies sarcastically and turned around to face her finally.

Kathryn blinked a few times just to make sure this was real. "Why are you here?" She asks with no prelude.  
"Right I forgot how inebriated you were last night." He doesn't mean to sound cruel, Kathryn see's this the way he bows his head immediately after speaking. She doesn't mind him being angry though. "I'm sorry," he says before she can speak and motions to the steaming cup on the table in between them.

"I assume you still take your coffee very strong and with no sugar or milk." He smiles at her and seeing those two dimples appear on his face breaks her.  
Kathryn feels tears form in her eyes and she does everything she can to break down and cry in front of him. She'd not seen this Chakotay in years. During the last leg f their journey home they barely spoke unless it was formal. Gone were the intimate dinners in her ready room and banter on the bridge.

Everything had gotten so corrosive between them.

She must of let her mask slip because the next thing she feels is a warm hand on her bare shoulder. It snaps her attention straight back into reality.  
"I'm _fine_." She repeats for the second time that morning. Chakotay's hand gives her shoulder a quick squeeze before dropping down again.  
" I know how much you hate it when it's cold. " He nods and silently steps aside for her to go and sit at the table.

As she moves her long dress drags on the floor. without her heels it's much to long for her short frame so the chance to sit down makes her feel less self conscious. She's surprised when Chakotay joins her at the table with his own drink. She can't help but stare as he sits opposite her, blowing on the hot and what she guesses is much weaker coffee than the one in her cup.

A few minutes go by and neither of them speak but it's not an uncomfortable silence. It feels domestic and natural. If someone was to walk in and had no idea who they were she was sure they'd assume they were a couple enjoying their morning together.

She smiles and shakes her head at the silly thought. Maybe one that's what they could of been. But everything was such a mess now.  
"What's so funny?" He asks from across the table, his cup half way to his lips.

"Well, this," she answers honestly, "I mean if someone told me a few months ago I'd be waking up hungover with you making me coffee, let alone speaking to me, I'd of told them they were mad."

"Oh," Chakotay murmurs looking genuinely perplexed and that confuses her immensely. "So you're still throwing yourself a pity party I see?" It's not really a question, more like an accusation.

"That's rich accusing me of feeling sorry for myself when that's all you ever did since New Earth." The words seep out like venom. It was below the belt and beyond cruel. "At least I had emotions." His retort is just as cruel, albeit unexpected.

Perhaps she wasn't the only one who had changed.

For once she was speechless. Kathryn knew he was right and she was more to blame for their current situation than her was. Focusing her attention on the mug in front her, Kathryn's nail scratched against the porcelain. It's hot against her fingers but she keeps touching it just to feel the twinge of pain is causes.

"I don't want to argue, Kathryn." She hears his voice but doesn't react in any way. Even hearing him use her actual name doesn't make her look up.  
"Look I stayed on the couch last night because I didn't want to leave you alone, you were drunk and emotional an-

"I though I didn't _have_ emotions." She cuts across unable to help herself.

"Dammit, Kathryn I'm just trying to explain." This time the use of her name irked her to the very core.

"You don't need to explain anything!" She shouts before taking a deep breath and pushing herself up to stand. "And perhaps you get away with speaking like that with Seven, after all she is half your age, but don't mistake me for some young girl you can talk down to."

The expression on his face is priceless and she wants to laugh at the devastation her broken heart has caused. Since arriving back on earth it keeps exposing itself and now that she's not on Voyager she has no real motivation to hide it.

For a second she thinks he might explode angrily, but she should of known better. Chakotay isn't programmed that way, she's the irrational one who says things she doesn't mean only to have him always forgive her.

She'd been so caught up in her thought's she'd failed to see him get up and move around to stand next to her chair. So when he speaks she's startled slightly.  
"I don't know what you want from me now." Now filled with more sadness Kathryn smiles crookedly before turning her eyes to his, "I just wanted you to wait."

"I couldn't wait forever, I realised that a long time ago." He admits while reaching out to push back a strand of auburn hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. "You set up parameters around your heart for so long, if we hadn't made it back home, I doubt we'd ever have this conversation."

Tears fall freely now and she knows if this carries on she won't be able to let him go again. "Are you happy?" Her voice catches in her throat.  
He doesn't answer straight away and she's hopeful for a moment. "I'm content, I have someone who I can build something real with in time."

And just like that her selfish hopes are dashed away. She wants to argue and tell him she doesn't believe him, but she knows it's pointless.

They were like two ships that crossed to late in the night.

"If you're so content why are you here?" Kathryn can't help herself, "What does Seven think about you being here? Does she even know?"  
"Actually everyone," he answers without missing a beat. "Well, B'Elanna, Tom and Seven know and I informed them I'd stay with you until you'd sobered up."  
Her cheeks flush crimson at the thought of what kind if state she'd been in. It was mortifying that a woman of her age needed to be escorted to her room for being drunk. She only hoped that the rest of the party had been oblivious to her state.

"Don't worry we kept it under wraps," Chakotay continues as if he could read her mind.

"Thank you," she mutters quietly, "I'm sorry but I don't really remember last night, I wasn't expecting you to be here." Her voice had turned unbearable soft and her eyes were wet but she'd stopped crying at least.

Chakotay tries to smile but it comes across like a conflicted, broken hearted frown. "It doesn't matter everyone knows the pressure you've been under, and as for me being here, I told you long ago I'd always be there for you."

Kathryn raises her hand to his chest. She doesn't know why but she needs to feel his heart beating. Chakotay doesn't say anything and lets her indulge. Each time she feels his heart against her hand she can feel the weight of seven years of longing behind it.

She traces her fingers over the fabric of his white shirt. He's also still wearing the same clothes, minus the suit jacket and tie.

"I don't want you to be content." She whispers and leans in to rest her head next to her hand on his chest. Without shoes she was considerably shorter than he was, it made her feel safe somehow.

Kathryn wonders if he's angry at her selfish confession. Maybe he will push her away and tell her to get over it. Half of her expects just that, but it never happens.

Instead she feels his arms circle around her waist, they don't pull her closer, but they rest over her back giving her comfort. "I don't think we ever hugged." He says simply. "Not properly anyway." She smiles into his chest and her eyes flutter shut. Kathryn wishes this moment would never end. That she could stay here in his arms, surrounded by his musky scent forever.

As always though her bliss was short lived when the sound of a beeping commbadge broke through her both broke away from each other abruptly, the sound was coming from the jacket he'd left on the couch. Smiling apologetically, Chakotay leaves the room to answer it.

Kathryn stood in the kitchen alone, she knew that whatever was left to say between them would be unspoken forever now. She couldn't hear properly but she knew it was Seven he was speaking to and it broke her again. But she knew she couldn't keep being so selfish and decided than and there that she would not pressure Chakotay into anything.

This was all her fault and she had ti live with it. Seven was also one of her closest friends and she wasn't going to ruin the girl's chance of happiness along with Chakotay's.

"Sorry about that," he says coming back into the room while putting on his jacket. "Don't be silly I'm sure Seven is missing your company, thank you again for taking care of me." Slipping into her Captain Janeway persona was just to easy, "Anyway I do have a few meetings to attend today so you can let yourself out."

She tries to walk past him but is stopped when he grabs onto her upper arm and pulls her back. For a moment he just stares at her, a quizzical look on his face. He knew what she was doing and she hoped he would take the hint and let them both mourn what could of been and move on.

"Can we meet tonight?" He asks quickly, "please, Kathryn."

"What's the point?" Truthfully she wants nothing more than to be in his company but they just keep going back and forth with no end. It wasn't fair on either of them.

" I don't want to be justcontent either." Chakotay says and she wonders if he's just as miserable are her. His words make her knees wobble, she knows whatever choice she makes it will be the wrong one.

" I won't be the other woman," she says firmly, but doesn't know if her resolve would be that strong either. A taste of what could of been might be better than nothing at all.

The way Chakotay grimaces at her words tells her all she needs to know though. "If you think I'm that sort of man then perhaps we really don't know each other anymore," he sounds disappointed and his grip loosens slightly on her arm. Kathryn takes this as an opportunity to slip free and put some distance between them.

"I know exactly what kind of man you are," her voice catches in her throat as she moved towards the door of her room. "And I don't deserve any part of you," she gestures towards the door, smiling sadly as she decides once again to obstruct any happiness she could garner from him. "Go back to her, Chakotay, forget about me," the softness in her voice surprises him, she can tell.

He sighs deeply and looks up to the ceiling. Kathryn wishes this torture would just end. The constant what if's that hung between them was just to much to take now. They were older and she was tired; she just wanted peace.

Chakotay moves to the door and she ducks her head to avoid looking directly into his eyes. He allows her this once to hide but he wasn't done, "If I talk to Seven first, will you meet with me?" He asks and she still refuses to look up. Instead she just shuts her eyes. Guilt swept over her for a second and she pictured Seven's face, but her own sadness out weighed it.

She nods quickly before she lost the nerve but doesn't look at him. Chakotay leaned down and brushed the hair from her face, then placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "I love you, Kathryn," he whispers before finally opening the door and leaving.

Once she was alone again Kathryn collapses onto the carpeted floor in a heap. Her heart exploded with emotion from those four words.

It was going to be a long day; but she was more optimistic about the future than she had been for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

Her morning with Chakotay had been brief but the promise of more time was making it impossible for her to concentrate on anything but that fact. Unfortunately for Kathryn her current task of debriefing several Admirals about some of her more questionable decisions on Voyager was one she actually needed to be present for. It was all informal, after all even if they did disagree with some of her breaks from protocol they could hardly punish someone as beloved by the public as her.

The irony of it all didn't pass her by and it left a bitter taste in the back of her mouth. If only they knew how much of a cold shell she really was and not the heroic leader the media portrayed her as. Perhaps at the beginning she was vibrant and full of energy but those last few years in the Delta Quardrant had made her aloof and untouchable; she barely recognised herself.

The damage hadn't just penetrated her personality, her age was all to evident in the lines at the corners of her eyes and the limpness of her now short hair. In fact Kathryn avoided mirrors as much as possible these days. The constant flash of cameras taking her photo irked her and she wanted to die of embarrassment at the thought of her image being recycled over and over again.

"Captain?"

Admiral Johnson or was it Simons? Broke through her thoughts. It was hard to keep track of all the new unfamiliar faces of Starfleet that'd elevated rank while she was away lost in deep space.

Shaking her head she smiles at him but it doesn't reach her eyes. She remains silent unsure of what response she was meant to give seeing as she hadn't heard the question.

The more she studied his face the less she liked the look of him. The man on the opposite side of the conference table had to be at least ten years younger than her. Kathryn briefly wondered how he even had any authority within Starfleet. The other two Admiral's she knew from before and she could tell from their expressions that her silence worried them. In the past she'd have herself in order and have the answers they wanted to hear; she cared back then whereas now she wasn't sure she did.

"Are you feeling unwell, Captain Janeway?" He persists and Kathryn can tell he was becoming frustrated with her vagueness. Glancing down at her clasped hands on the glass table Kathryn briefly considers masking the truth with her professional face, but at the last minute she changes he mind and simply nods.

"Actually I am rather tired, gentlemen. It's been three hours and I would prefer to continue at another time." She sounds harsh and entitled, like someone who thought they were better than everyone else. But these men before her hadn't had seven years of their lives put on hold, they didn't know the darkness, the sacrifice that'd taken over her body and soul.

Kathryn kept her head held high she knew if she didn't they'd see a crack in her façade and home in on it. Her eyes darted towards the time on the wall behind the three men. It had been at least six hours since she'd spoken with Chakotay, and nod once had he contacted her. She knew it wouldn't be easy for him speaking with Seven and she felt guilty. The statuesqe blonde was someone she cared deeply for, no matter what happened she hoped their bond wouldn't be tarnished.

But in Kathryn's mind the longer it took for Chakotay to contact her the less chance there was that he'd actually gone through with it. Perhaps he'd seen Seven and compared her youthful appearance to her own haggered one and instantly changed his mind.

"You do understand that this isn't a trial, Kathryn, we simply need answers," one of the familiar faces explained, interrupting her paranoid thoughts and she wanted to roll her eyes at his patronising tone.

"They're _all_ in my logs," she snaps pausing only to clench her jaw definatly, "but if you insist of hearing them in person then you'll have to wait."

Without waiting for a reply Kathryn pushes her chair back and moves to stand, she smiles falsely once more at the three men before turning and walking out of the room.

Kathryn strides out of Starfleet headquarters with determination, she feels constricted both emotionally and physically. She knew that the more time wore on that day the less of a chance there was of seeing Chakotay. From the beginning that morsel of self doubt had grown and now she couldn't hide from her demons.

Reaching outside she lets the fresh air hit her and inhales big lungful's of it, causing some strange looks from passers by but they didn't bother her.  
She feels ridiculous not because of strangers but because of how she'd let herself believe in the impossible. Feeling moiture well up behind her eyes and she panics. Crying in public was a step to far, she'd make sure she was alone and preferbly drunk before that happened.

Somehow she manages to get back to her suite, usually she'd strip out of her unifrom but she only had one goal in mind. Her eyes located the comolimentry mini bar, then the time on the wall. It had definety been to long and she doubted Chakotay would come back as he'd promised.

Why would he? She wasn't pure anymore she was corrupt and dirty. Along with her need for drunk oblivion Kathryn suddently felt the need to clean, she swore she coud still sence his presence here since the morning ; it was taunting her and she wasn't worthy, she needed to cleanse the place.

.

.

.

The first thing that hits him is the smell.

Chakotay had let himself back into her suite, the same way he had in the morning. Before returning here he had looked for her at Head Quaters, until someone told him she'd left a couple of hours before.

Following his scenses through the suite, he begins to study the place properly. It was clean to the point of being clinical and it hadn't been that way this morning. He knew Kathryn was somewhat of an obsessive compulsive person, especially when it came to maintaing appearances but there was something insidious about this. Not to mention the stench of bleach or whatever had been used was so over powering, Chakotay had to fight the urge not to gag.

As he moves futher into the temprary home of his Captain his ability to locate her no matter what worked quickly. He felt a sudden dejavu as he enters the kitchen area, but he reaches his goal none the less.

"Been doing some spring cleaning?" he comments lamely, a breif dimple appears when Kathryn's head whips around to look at him from where she's sat on the floor scrubbing at an invisble mark.

"What's that suppose to mean?" he could hear insecurity (and alcohol ) in her tone and he didn't like it. Chakotay also noted he her eyes were red and glassy, she was definatly drunk and possibly had been crying. This was the second time in less than twenty four hours he'd found her in this state and it concerned him to no end.

Taking a few more steps towards her Chakotay feels his age as he kneels in front of her, his knees crack sligtly against the hard tiles. "Nothing," he says gently. He'd hoped to find her today and take her somehwere quiet a peaceful where they could have the discussion he'd promised this morning. A conversation that was seven years over due.

But it couldn't happen while she was inebriated.

For a breif moment he considers finding hypospray, but the thought diminshes as quickly as it came, he wasn't leaving her again.

Kathryn raises her eyebrow and smirks, but other than that doesn't say anything. She just stares at him and it unerves him more than he would admit. This version of Kathryn Janeway was one he was all to familiar with during the latter years of Voyager.

She was cruel and sharp; but he still loved her.

"You need to get some sleep, Kathryn," he says before he can dwell any further but is caught off guard when she lunges forward. If she hadn't of been drunk she'd of been less slugish and actually managed to straddle, instead she sort of slumps ungracefully against him.

"Sleep wasn't exactly what I had in mind, Commander," she purrs seductivly (or at least tries to) instead she comes across sloppy, but that doesn't stop the spark of arousal within him. No matter what Kathryn had an affect on him like no other woman ever had.

He'd imaganed so many scenarios like this over the course of seven years and waited patiently for her to come to him in her own time. Unfortunately neither of these options involved Kathryn not being in her right mind.

"Well _sleep_ is all that's on the cards for tonight." he says softly as he takes a hold of her wrist gently. A flicker of emotion crosses her face before she yanks her arm free.

"Is it because I'm not _her_ ?" She slurs, backing away from him and resting her frame against the cabinet behind her, "I wish I was."

He feels deflated, if she was sober he'd of already explained what had happened with Seven. How the former borg seemed releaved when he'd finally admitted the truth. In all honesty even she admitted that she wasn't as happy as she seemed with how their relationship was progressing. Perhaps had they not returned to earth so suddenly then something real could of developed between them, but even then she'd always be second best to Kathryn. It was a shameful thing to do, but at the time he was so desperate to trick himself into moving on that the second Seven showed him attention he clung to it. It was all over now and he wasn't going to let the woman he truly cared about go again. "Sev-

"No!" she shouts and grimances before he can even say the name. "Not her," Kathryn points towards something behind him on the ground. He's more confused now than ever, maybe all the toxins from cleaning had seeped into her brain and she was delusional.

Against his better judgement he does turn to see what she means. At first his eyes doesn't find anything but just behind one of the chairs is a padd so he shuffles on his knees to pick it up. Staring back up at him from the padd was Kathryn Janeway from what looked like the day before Voyager left on it's mission. She was smiling brightly at the camera, her hair up in her signature bun, her eyes vibrant and full of excitement.

"You see, Chakotay, there's no point, the woman you really love is gone and I've been left here in her place." She says sleepily behind him but Chakotay doesn't move, he feels his heart break all over again. Nothing was ever simple for them and he wondered if they'd done something in past lives in order to occur this curse.

Placing the padd down he bows his head and tries to gather his thoughts. "The woman I love is in that photo and she's sat in this room." He says quietly but gets no response.

Glancing over his shoulder Kathryn had fallen asleep, or more than likely passed out. Her body is leaning at what looks like an uncomfortble angle but he takes the time to really look at her . Even in sleep her brows knitt together, he sees the dark circless and hollow cheeks for what feels like the first time. Her jacket is opened and she's untucked the grey sweater from her trousers; it almost looks domestic. But she's still beautiful, she's still the Kathryn he learnt likes to grow vegtables and soak in bathtubs, the one who would laugh freely with him and was curious about his spirit guide.

Sighing he knows he needs to move her, but he doesn't want to wake her up. Gently and quietly he manages to cradle her bridal style (the irony is not lost to him) and carry her towards the sofa. It's closer than the bed and it means he can sit with her without feeling like an intruder.

Placing her down on the plush cushions he hears her murmer his name, but maybe that was just his mind playing tricks on him. He leaves breifly to recover a throw and wraps it around her small frame before sitting on the floor using the front of the couch as support, with his back to her. Chakotay shuts his eyes and let's her breathing behind him soothe him towards an uneasy rest.

The last thing he remebers before falling asleep is the feel of his hand still clutching desperatly to her smaller one. The angle is awkward and his arm will hurt when he wakes but he doesn't ever want to let go again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay never really falls asleep

He's tired as hell and would love nothing more than to rest but the figure on the couch behind him makes it an impossible option.

After a few minutes of remaining in his uncomfortable position he finally decides to move. He's wary as not to wake Kathryn and carefully let's go of her hand as he stands up. The loss of contact makes her brow knit and Chakotay worries for a second that she will wake. But she turns her head into the plush cushion and continues to sleep instead.

He releases a soft sigh, she needed to sleep away the alcohol that she'd consusumed. It worries him that this is the second night in a row he's had to take care of her because of drinking to much. At the party it seemed innocent enough, everyone had over indulged a little, but this was something else entirely. He makes a mental note to ask her about it when she's in a coherent state.

For a few moments all he can do is stand there and watch her sleep. He can't see her face because of the way she's pressed it into the cushion. But the rise and fall of her chest calms him. It reminds him of how sometimes he could hear her breathing near him in their makeshift home on New Earth.

Kathryn would always go to bed earlier, while he continued to work on something of clear up after dinner. Sometimes he'd even check in on her sleeping, it was the only time he didn't see the worry lines on her face, it made him happy.

The memory just makes him sad now. There was so much that had happaned between then and now, and not all of it good. In a way the innocence of their friendship had never been the same since New Earth. Subconsciously or perhaps consciously, Kathryn had built up that perimeter between them and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get close to her.

"Chakotay..." Hearing his name brings him back to the present, and he instantly kneels down beside the sofa, this time facing her rather than sat with his back to her.

"Kathryn?" He queastions, but it's clear that she'd spoken his name in her sleep.

He doesn't know what to make of that. Sometimes he thought he could hear her say his name through the bulkhead between their quarters on Voyager. Chakotay knew he'd woken up a few times with her name on his lips as well.

Smiling he brushes a stray tendril of auburn hair behind her ear. His hand momenterily remaining on her her head.

"What are we going to do with ourselves?" He asks her unconscious form, knowing he'd never receive an answer.

There's a dull thud that Kathryn feels behind her eyes before she opens them. A feeling of dejavu creeps up as her scences begin to wake her up. She has no idea when exactly she'd become so slow at waking up. Back on Voyager she survived on minimal sleep and excess coffee, now she hates waking up. Old age was taking it's toll on her she guessed bitterly, either that or it was the alcohol she uses to numb everything these days.

She frowns before finally opening her eyes. This time there's no glare of light coming from a window, the room is mercifully dark. Though her eyes have been spared she feels strangely disoriented both by the lack of light and her place in the room. How much had she drank to fall asleep on the sofa?

Her mouth feels dry, so after stretching her limbs she makes a beeline for the kitchen area of her suite. Her bare feet pad quietly on the floor but the stiff uniform she's passed out wearing feels hot and tight on her skin. As she reaches the kitchen she unzips the offending jacket and let's it fall haplessly from her shoulders to the ground.

Her confusion is only heightened when she finds a glass of water already waiting for her, and a note next to it. She picks up the glass first and greedily gulps down the contens then picks up the note with her free hand.

~Hope this helps, I'd of made you some coffee but I know you don't like it cold. When you feel better, maybe we can have that conversation? I don't know how much you remember of last night, but I want you to know that there's nothing stopping me now from being with you, there never was anyway really, you've always held my heart captive, Kathryn. I'll be at the park near headquarters at 11am tomorrow, if you don't come then I understand, all I want is you to be happy.

Love, always, Chakotay x ~

The glass shatters as it hits the ground. Kathryn re reads the note three times before the memories of the night suddenly return to her. The hand holding the note shakes, before she puts it back down on the table.

Her heart beats wildly in her chest as she quickly grabs the nearest padd she can find. The time glares back at her, it's only 3:45am, which means she has roughly around eight hours to decide if she can face Chakotay again.

Or if she can even face herself.


End file.
